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Finding a therapist can feel overwhelming. Most of us don’t look for one when life is going well. We start searching when something hurts—when we’re anxious, depressed, grieving, stuck in destructive patterns, struggling in our relationships, or simply trying to keep our heads above water.
That was me in 2015.
I was a mental health professional, a husband, a father, a son, a brother, and a friend. I had spent years helping other people find healing.
But I was also silently struggling.
I felt vulnerable and embarrassed admitting that I needed help. I knew what I would have told someone else in my situation, but it was much harder to say those same things to myself. I had spent years helping others ask for help, yet I was afraid to ask for it myself.
Starting therapy was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
It was also one of the best decisions of my life.
I believe seeing a therapist helped save my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my calling, and my life.
That experience changed the way I think about therapy. It taught me that finding a therapist involves more than simply searching for someone with an opening on their calendar. I needed to think about what I actually believed about healing and what kind of person I was willing to trust with some of the most vulnerable parts of my life.
For me, those became two important questions:
What do I believe helps people heal?
And:
What should I look for in someone who is going to help me do that work?
Those questions have stayed with me.
The first helped me clarify my framework for healing. The second helped me think practically about finding the right therapist.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin, you don’t have to figure everything out before you take the first step.
Start by asking God for help.
James 1:5 reminds us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Pray. Ask for wisdom. Ask questions. Look at your options. Take the next step in front of you.
You may not know exactly what you need yet.
That’s okay.
You can trust that God cares about your healing and will meet you as you move forward.
What Do I Believe Helps People Heal?
Over time, I have come to describe my approach to healing and transformation with three core values:
Scripture-based. Science-informed. Spirit-led.
These values shape the way I help people today, but they also describe much of what I was looking for when I needed help myself.
I didn’t want to choose between my faith and good mental health care. I wanted an approach that respected both.
1. Scripture-Based
God’s Word has something to say about every part of our lives, including our mental, emotional, behavioral, relational, and spiritual health.
Healing is not outside the reach of our faith.
It is part of it.
Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
I don’t believe those are merely comforting words on a page. I have experienced the LORD bringing healing into broken places in my own life, and I have watched Him do the same in the lives of others.
Scripture helps us understand who God is, who we are, how we were created to live, and what healthy transformation can look like.
That doesn’t mean the Bible is a therapy manual or that every mental health struggle can be solved by quoting a verse.
It means Scripture provides the foundation for how I understand people, suffering, hope, relationships, wisdom, healing, and transformation.
2. Science-Informed
God created our minds, brains, and bodies, and He gave us the ability to study how they work.
Because of that, I believe we should learn from good research and use therapeutic approaches that are supported by clinical evidence.
Depending on a person’s needs, that may include approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can help us recognize and challenge unhealthy patterns of thinking; Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which can help people process traumatic experiences; Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT); solution-focused therapy; narrative therapy; person-centered therapy; and other research-supported approaches.
You don’t need to understand all of those terms before you start therapy.
That’s part of what a good therapist can help you determine.
Using what we have learned through science does not require us to abandon our faith. Instead, research can help us better understand how God created us and give us practical tools for healing and growth.
Faith and science do not have to compete.
They can inform each other.
3. Spirit-Led
Therapy involves practical tools, skills, conversations, and techniques, but healing is also deeply relational and spiritual.
That is one reason we say:
We think better together.
We need safe people who can help us slow down, understand what is happening inside us, evaluate what we believe, and learn healthier ways to respond.
And as followers of Jesus, we also believe we are never doing that work alone.
The Holy Spirit comforts. He reveals. He convicts. He guides. He restores.
We don’t have to create a false choice between receiving professional help and receiving help from the Holy Spirit.
We can have both.
God can work through prayer, Scripture, community, wise counsel, professional therapy, medication when appropriate, healthy relationships, practical tools, and many other forms of support as He leads us toward healing.
Those three values helped give me a framework for how I understood healing.
But I still had to find an actual therapist.
That meant moving from beliefs to practical questions.
I wasn’t simply asking, “Is this person a Christian?” or “Do they have the right letters after their name?”
I needed to look at the whole picture.
Are they qualified?
Can I trust them?
Do they understand what I’m facing?
Do they listen well?
Can they challenge me without judging me?
Can they help me make meaningful progress?
Those questions eventually became a practical framework for evaluating whether a therapist might be a healthy fit.
15 Questions I Considered When Choosing a Therapist
Choosing the right therapist is a personal process.
A therapist can be highly qualified and still not be the right fit for you. That doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you or with them.
Sometimes the fit simply isn’t there.
You don’t have to settle.
And you don’t have to give up after one try.
When I was looking for someone to walk with me through my own healing, these were some of the things I considered.
1. Are They Qualified to Help Me?
Credentials aren’t everything, but they matter.
Is the therapist properly licensed or credentialed? Do they have the education, training, and supervision required to practice legally and ethically?
I wanted to know that the person helping me had been properly trained and was accountable to professional and ethical standards.
Depending on what you need, you may also want to ask about additional certifications or specialized training.
2. Do They Have Experience With What I’m Facing?
A therapist doesn’t have to have personally lived through everything you have experienced, but relevant professional experience can be important.
If you are looking for help with trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, marriage problems, addiction, or another specific concern, ask whether the therapist regularly works with people facing those challenges.
You can ask something as simple as:
“How much experience do you have working with people dealing with something like this?”
3. How Do They Approach Therapy?
Different therapists use different approaches.
Some may primarily use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Others may use EMDR, psychodynamic therapy, mindfulness-based approaches, solution-focused therapy, narrative therapy, or a combination of several approaches.
You do not need to become an expert in therapy models before choosing a therapist.
Instead, ask:
“How would you typically approach someone dealing with what I’m experiencing?”
Their answer can tell you a lot.
Can they explain their approach clearly?
Does it make sense to you?
Do you understand what you would actually be doing together?
4. Can I Learn to Trust This Person?
You probably won’t completely trust your therapist during your first appointment.
Trust usually develops over time.
But pay attention to the early signs.
Do they follow through on what they say?
Do they explain confidentiality?
Do they keep appropriate boundaries?
Do they seem consistent?
Do you feel like they take your privacy seriously?
You are not looking for instant trust.
You are looking for someone with whom trust can grow.
5. Do I Feel Understood?
A good therapist should be able to enter your world without immediately trying to fix everything.
Do they seem curious about your experience?
Do they acknowledge what you are feeling?
Can they help you feel understood even when they eventually need to challenge you?
Validation does not mean agreeing with everything you think, feel, or do.
It means understanding your experience before trying to change it.
There is a big difference between someone saying, “Everything you’re doing is right,” and someone saying, “Given what you’ve experienced, I can understand why you would feel that way.”
6. Are They Really Listening?
Pay attention to whether your therapist seems engaged.
Do they ask thoughtful follow-up questions?
Do their responses connect with what you actually said?
Can they summarize what they are hearing?
Do they remember important details?
You shouldn’t feel like you are talking to a wall.
You also shouldn’t feel like you are talking to someone who is simply waiting for their turn to speak.
Good therapy requires someone who knows how to listen.
7. Can We Communicate Clearly?
A therapist should be able to explain what they are doing and why they are doing it.
Do their explanations make sense to you?
Can you ask questions?
Are they clear about expectations, goals, boundaries, scheduling, fees, cancellations, and the therapeutic process?
Do you understand what the work is supposed to look like?
Good therapy requires good communication.
You should not feel embarrassed asking for clarification.
8. Can They Adjust Their Approach When Needed?
Therapy should have direction, but it shouldn’t feel like someone is forcing you through a predetermined script.
Different seasons may require different approaches.
Sometimes you need to process.
Sometimes you need practical tools.
Other times you need education.
There will even be times when you need to slow down and understand what is happening beneath the surface.
A good therapist knows how to adapt while still helping you move toward your goals.
Flexibility doesn’t mean therapy has no structure.
It means the structure can serve the person instead of forcing the person to serve the structure.
9. Do They Treat Me With Respect?
Your therapist should respect your story, background, beliefs, values, culture, relationships, and experiences.
That was particularly important to me.
I wanted someone who could respect me not only as a client, but also as a fellow mental health professional.
I needed permission to enter the room as a person who needed help without feeling like I had to perform the role of counselor.
Thankfully, I found that.
Respect creates room for honesty.
It lets you stop performing and start doing the real work.
10. Can I Be Honest Without Feeling Judged?
Therapy only works if you can eventually tell the truth about what is happening.
That requires safety.
A healthy therapist does not have to approve of every choice you make or agree with every conclusion you reach.
In fact, good therapy will sometimes challenge you.
But challenge and judgment are not the same thing.
You need a space where you can bring the real version of your story into the room.
Not the cleaned-up version.
Not the version you think you are supposed to tell.
The real one.
11. Are They Patient With the Process?
Healing takes time.
Some problems can improve quickly.
Others take longer.
Healing usually isn’t a straight line.
You may make progress, struggle again, discover something deeper, learn a new skill, revisit an old wound, and continue moving forward.
A good therapist should respect the pace of the process without unnecessarily rushing you.
At the same time, patience does not mean becoming passive.
You still want to know that you are working toward something.
12. Are They Available Enough for What I Need?
A therapist may be wonderful and still not have the availability you need.
If you need weekly support and their next appointment is six weeks away, that may not work for your current situation.
Availability is a practical issue, but practical issues matter.
Ask how often they typically see clients.
Ask how far out they are booked.
Ask what happens if you need additional support.
If someone isn’t available, don’t assume that means therapy won’t work for you.
Keep looking.
13. Can We Give Each Other Feedback?
Therapy should include room for feedback in both directions.
A therapist should be willing to give you thoughtful feedback, but they should also be able to receive it.
You should be able to say things like:
“This was helpful.”
“I didn’t understand that.”
“I don’t think this is working.”
“I need something different.”
“I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
Those conversations do not mean therapy is failing.
They can actually strengthen the therapeutic relationship.
A healthy therapist should want to know what is and is not helping you.
14. Are We Clear About What We’re Working Toward?
Many of us enter therapy with a goal that sounds something like:
“I just want to feel better.”
That is a perfectly reasonable place to begin.
But eventually, a good therapist can help you get more specific.
What would “better” look like?
What would be different in your thoughts?
Your emotions?
Your behaviors?
Your relationships?
Your work?
Your faith?
Your everyday life?
You don’t have to know all of your goals during the first session.
Part of therapy can be figuring them out together.
But over time, you should begin to understand what you are working toward.
15. Does Each Session Build on the Last One?
Therapy should gradually develop a sense of continuity.
Does your therapist remember the important parts of your story?
Do they follow up on things you discussed?
Can you see connections between past conversations and what you are working on now?
Do you feel like you are building something together?
Every session will not feel groundbreaking.
Some sessions may feel slow.
Some may feel uncomfortable.
Some may simply help you understand one small part of yourself a little better.
But over time, you should have a sense that the work is connected and that you are moving somewhere.
You Don’t Have to Figure Out Everything Before You Begin
When I first started looking for help, I did not have all of this figured out.
I didn’t perfectly understand every therapy model.
I didn’t know exactly what I needed.
I didn’t have a perfectly defined set of goals.
I was hurting, and I knew I needed help.
That was enough to begin.
Over time, I learned more about what I believed about healing and what I needed from the person helping me.
Those are still the two questions I would encourage you to consider:
What do I believe about healing?
And:
What do I need from the person who is going to help me?
Your answers may not look exactly like mine.
That’s okay.
What matters is that you begin thinking intentionally about both.
If you are considering therapy, it is okay to try more than one therapist before you find the right fit.
It’s okay if your first session feels awkward.
It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what to say.
It’s okay to bring your questions, fears, grief, doubts, anger, confusion, and pain into the room.
You don’t need to clean yourself up before asking for help.
And you don’t have to choose between caring for your faith and caring for your mental health.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
God is not distant from you in your struggle.
He draws near.
I believe healing and transformation are possible.
I believe transformation is a process.
And I believe progress is possible even when that process takes longer than we hoped.
I also believe God can use therapy as part of that healing.
So if you know you need help but you’re overwhelmed by the process of finding it, you don’t have to figure out the entire journey today.
Take the next step.
Pray.
Ask for wisdom.
Talk to someone you trust.
Search for a therapist.
Ask questions.
Schedule the appointment.
And then take the next step after that.
You are not alone.
You are not too far gone.
And it is not too late to begin again.
I’m praying for you.
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